The genre “Classic Rock” is the most tired of all music. A lot of times the only purpose it serves is to prove that you’re getting older and not driving the cool car you drove when you were in high school, or something like that. Part of me dies inside when I hear a Nirvana tune – and I don’t even really like Nirvana music – sandwiched between Foreigner and Steve Miller Band on the local classic rock station.
However, there is something to be said for some classic rock tunes. Once the weather warms up (77 degrees seems to be the key point on Mercury) and your outdoors sips on a canned light beer, you are fine. Look, it’s not great, but it’s passable. Tolerable, even. You could even air guitar or air drum… or air bass a little… or put out your best falsetto if you can look past all the $ 150 concert tickets and the 65 year old always looking weird. guitar sex faces in songs written five decades ago.
Once that hazy summer nostalgic journey is over, you come back to your senses and realize that the majority of the genre is tired and played crap. The following is just a sample of some of the songs that could be taken off the air and we would all be better off for it.
Rule of thumb: If a song can be used as the soundtrack for an advertisement for Brett Favre’s relaxed fit jeans, or as a crazy sports arena anthem, it can probably end up on this list.
“Hotel California” … Les Aigles – Certainly a rote choice to start a crappy internet list like this, but under any circumstances ask yourself if you need / want to listen to Hotel California again? Put the rosé champagne on ice for good. The Dude is right about the Eagles, man.
“Don’t stop”… Fleetwood Mac – If you talk to someone my parents’ age from LP Rumors, they’ll gush out like it’s one of the most defining moments in music history. To tell the truth, it’s an excellent album… but this song reached its maximum saturation after 3,000,000,000,000 turns of the dial. Yesterday is fine and is over now.
“Sweet Home Alabama”… Lynyrd Skynyrd – Existential question: how many times do you think your local rock radio has played this song in its existence? For me it’s WPLR and honestly my brain can’t count to such a high number. Conservatively, “Sweet Home Alabama” has probably been played at least 3-4 times a day, seven days a week for the past 20 years. This calculation gives around 29,120 coins since 1995, which seems low. Like most of the songs on this list, you can see why it rose to popularity in the first place, but decades and decades of rehearsals diminish their value.
Anything through the doors – As a kid who loved Oliver Stone’s film about the iconic ’60s band in college – and its subsequent parody in Wayne’s World 2 – enough to buy the band’s biggest hits double CD (which didn’t fit in any standard CD rack), Jim Morrison’s modern internet disgust at first intrigued me. Then I listened to “Roadhouse Blues” again recently and realized that The Doors was nothing to me anymore. Sorry, not sorry, if you hung up a Morrison poster in your college dorm.
“Have a Cigar” and “Welcome to the Machine”… Pink Floyd – Overplayed and buzzing – and I’ve seen Roger Waters in concert several times. Why can’t we improve Pink Floyd’s deep cuts like “Intrepid”Or“ The Nile Song ”rotate on these two funeral chants?
“Paranoid” … Black Sabbath – There are better popular tunes in the Sabbath catalog (NIB immediately comes to mind) to replace this rotating one. At least it’s fast.
“Listen to the music”… The Doobie brothers – Need more from Michael McDonald.
“Rock ‘N Me”… Steve Miller Band – Selling is understandable – I would if given the opportunity – but once a song is primarily associated with 90 percent of the products you can buy at Wal Mart, it’s time to go. . Apologies to all Space Cowboys, but I think everyone on planet Earth could survive without ever hearing another Steve Miller Band song, including Steve Miller himself. Fun Fact: Playing aerial guitar with a Steve Miller Band song in a public setting will show you who your true friends are.
“Piano Man” … Billy Joel – There are dozens and dozens of great songs from Joel and they also serve as radio hits. This one we have all heard hundreds of times. When I’m in line to rotate my tires at 11:31 am on a Wednesday, the last thing I think about is singing along to tonic and gin.
“Black dog” … Led Zeppelin – Let’s be fair, this Robert Plant wail guitar riff / Jimmy Page is the foundation upon which the entire Classic Rock genre was built. Once you’ve heard it a thousand times, it loses its meaning. If only Led Zeppellin III stuff could have more spinning time – “On the tiles“rocks!” – rather than the same dozen tracks from the band’s programmers that have relied on over the past four decades.
“Southern Cross” … Crosby, Stills and Nash – When you see the Southern Cross for the first time, I’m sure it’s breathtaking. Then again, I don’t own a sailboat or a wardrobe full of fat guy Hawaiian shirts like Stephen Stills presumably does.
“Cocaine” … Eric Clapton – All these years, I’ve never been able to pinpoint what Clapton was going with here. Talk about obtuse words.
“Glory Days”… Bruce Springsteen – “He might throw that old speedball at you, make you look like a silly boy”… no Bruce, no.
“Stuck in the middle with you” … The thieves wheel – “Clowns to the left of me, joker to the right, here I am” stuck forever with this song. He might be a contrarian for the sake of the contrarian, but Michael Madsen’s Mr. Yellow ear-cutting routine from Tank dogs isn’t as edgy or fresh as it was in 1992. This song was popular again because of it. The many helping hands are quite eye-catching.
“All along the Watchtower” … any version – There has to be a way not to hear… this song covered by all the classic jam and rocker bands on the planet. I’m sure there are still killer live covers on KaZaA.
Aerosmith, pretty much any song – I don’t think you can muster enough irony to enjoy a piece of dung like “Love in an Elevator”. For every decent Aerosmith song like “Dream On”, there are about 3-4 lousy ones.
“Refugee” … Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers – Not that it’s a bad song, I’m just sick of it and it’s my list.
“Girl with brown eyes” … Van Morrison – I’ll hand it over to Van Morrison, he has carved out a long popular career for himself with one of the least dynamic stage presences for a leader known to mankind.
“Breath of a locomotive” … Jethro Tull – NO.
“Old man” … Neil Young – Neil Young is now 69 years old. Maybe he needs to update. This song is a drag.
“Rock and Roll All Nite”… Kiss – Bottom line: Why do so many songs in the Rock ‘N Roll genre spend so much time talking about how good rock music is or how it will last forever? You wouldn’t hear a song – “I want adult contemporary all night and party every day” or “Long Live Jazz”.
“Ramblin ‘Man”… The Allman Bros. – Sorry dad, but the Allmans don’t do it for me.
“Baby, hold on to me”… Eddie Money – It reminds me of Geico, even if it’s not “Two Tickets to Paradise”. Lame guitar riff too.
“Rocky Mountain Way”… Joe Walsh – Pretty decent guitar riff, but this song is almost five minutes long.
“Welcome to the jungle”… Guns’ N Roses – If you’re of a certain age (i.e. mine), you’ll remember where you were when you first saw the November Rain video on MTV. It may have been a more significant moment in the 20th century than the moon landing, which makes it weird to think that they are not ‘classic rock’, but then again we are all going to get old and die and whatnot. is really not the case. no matter how you rank Appetite for destruction because it will be there long after we are all dead and gone. Long story short, “Welcome to the Jungle” lives up to the most played songs of any genre when you factor in sports arenas. Does anyone think the visiting team hears this song go through the PA and start shaking with fear? It’s time to move on, or get away from that tune, so to speak.
“American woman” … Guess who – Let me say this, “Those eyes“is a fucking great song. By the time Lenny Kravitz started singing” American Woman, “it had lasted for at least a full decade, if not longer.
“Taking care of business” / “You ain’t seen nothing yet”… Bachman Turner Overdrive – Again, if your songs are mostly associated with big box retailers or Chris Berman’s puns around 1989, they’ll never need to be on the radio again. So ends the Randy Bachman section of our list.
“Start me”… The Rolling Stones – Another song that belongs only to that to be played in the rubble of demolished sports venues of the 80s or 90s.
“We are an American group”… Grand Funk Railroad – As Homer Simpson reminded us 20 years ago, Mark Schoener’s bong bass has not aged well.
“Centerfold” … J. Geils Band. – In the early 80’s people weren’t calling stuff like that “scary” … instead they got a really popular video on MTV. Fun fact: J. Geils is the guitarist of the band, not the singer. It’s Peter Wolf.
“Group on the run” … Wings – Ugh.
“Bad company” … Bad company – Even the rare trifecta of the same song name, band name, and album name doesn’t make this one any less outdated.
“Blinded by the light” … Manfred Mann – Wrapped like hell / wrapped like a jerk… who cares? You could go the rest of your life without this Bruce blanket and you’ll be fine.
There are countless more that deserve a place on this list, aren’t there? Looks like we’ve only scratched the surface. Maybe we will do it again next summer.
And on the way, a pallet cleaner.